How to grill/smoke/fry a turkey

Go ahead and start the fire. You'll probably need more charcoal than you're accustomed to using. Use your right cursor key to step through the recipe...

Why cook one when you can cook two (first rule of government spending)? Start just the way you would with any other method... thaw, pull out the guts, bind the legs back together.

IMPORTANT! Use TWO pans! You'll be cooking with two pounds of butter over an open flame. You do NOT want a leak! Another important benefit to follow...

Spice it up the way you like.

You'll need a package of cheesecloth per turkey. A poor man's alternative... an old cotton t-shirt works well (wash it first please). Don't use synthetics... they'll melt on your turkey. Yuck!

One package of cheesecloth will yield three layers. Cut it in three pieces with scissors, unfold and drape over turkey. This is the first layer.

This is after three layers of cheesecloth. Try to avoid wrinkles, and air pockets between the cheesecloth and turkey. Tuck it into the folds and crevices of the turkey.

If you use a button temperature indicator, find it, pinch up the cheesecloth and cut a hole for the button using scissors. If you use a temperature probe, you can do the same to provide access for the probe.

Now, the fun part... melt two pounds of butter per turkey in the microwave. Don't worry... you're not going to actually eat two pounds of butter! You'll save yourself a lot of unwrapping work if you purchase one pound butter blocks like the one pictured here, rather than sticks.

Pour the melted butter over the turkey. Try to completely wet the cheesecloth. Dry spots will burn quickly on the grill.

Here's what you do with the butter wrappers. Memo says, "Yummy!"

Here's the turkey, ready to head to the grill.... fully wetted down with butter, and the excess in the bottom of the pan.

You'll need a baster. Good luck... basting 200 degree butter is tough on a baster. I start with two, and usually end up with one usable one. Just factor it into your cost. Tip: Don't fill the baster all the way up to the bulb. Those bulbs don't handle hot butter very well.

After your charcoal gets going, make an empty spot in the middle for a pie tin full of water. That will keep the turkey moist. You'll have to refill the pan a couple times while cooking.

I only use two grates, rather than the full three. That makes it easier to add wood/charcoal and refill the water pan when necessary.

Here we go! Don't forget... you have four pounds of butter over an open flame. Be careful, and don't poke any holes in the turkey pans.

Add some oak or hickory for smoked flavor. I keep some burning the entire time.

Oooh... blurry shot! Try to maintain 300 degrees. If low, add more charcoal/wood. If high, close your dampers.

Smokin'!

Pull butter out of the bottom of the pan and thoroughly cover the turkey.

You need to keep the cheesecloth moist so it doesn't burn, and so it doesn't dry out and stick to the skin. I baste about once every 10 to 15 minutes and get the Honey-Do list done in between. The hotter the fire, the more frequent the basting required.

As you can see, the bottom of the turkey actually fries in the hot butter. If you're not a dark meat fan, you may be after cooking this way. The bottom of the turkey (mostly dark meat) comes out unbelievably moist.

The cheesecloth will darken throughout the process until it's almost black. That's normal.

Smokin' good with the dampers closed for temperature control.